Parent in Assisted Living: Lavender Room: Slowtwitch Forums (2024)

May 12, 24 15:09

So, I had to move my mother into assisted living. It's a very nice place and I think it is the best for her. They are not restricted to the facility and can still go out with friends if they choose or to the grocery store, etc. So the question for those who have a parent or parents in assisted living. They recommend not leaving cash, credit cards or checkbook due to risk of theft with so many people going in and out. So what do you recommend to provide some money for your parent if they want to go out or shop at the grocery store?

This is new. Mother is mad, but she can't take care of herself and after the second hospital stay in the last few months, it was time. Neither my sister or I live there, so it is hard and I just want to try to make it as simple as possible. Also please note, she is not technical, so doing stuff on her phone or a computer is out.

Think old school.

May 12, 24 15:23

May 12, 24 15:25

May 12, 24 15:25

I'm considering that. Assuming the bank can set it up with a low balance and no monthly fees. Most banks require a minimum balance...

May 12, 24 15:27

I was looking into Visas that are rechargable. But the seem to have fees. And I'm not sure if it's worth the fees. (kind of a scam). We don't live in the same state, so it would be good to be able to add money remotely...

May 12, 24 15:30

May 12, 24 15:43

I’m not sure what the fees are. Fees are a pain.

If you can provide the necessities, maybe she won’t need to shop much? An alternative is to steer her toward other forms of entertainment— ones that you purchase online for her (tours of local gardens or art classes/events) or free activities. In my area, we have good senior services and community education classes. Even public libraries offer entertainment and events. Maybe this is an option for your mom?

May 12, 24 15:49

What's wrong with a credit card? You can monitor all spending, set alerts, set max capacity low, etc... and if it gets stolen and used, credit card company can just reverse the charges as fraud, you have insurance. Keep it simple, don't overthink it.

No cash, debit or credit cards seems extreme advice from them. Ask them what options they suggest instead? Let me guess, they don't have any reasonable alternatives. They probably say this to limit their own liability and reduce their headaches of getting blamed and sued for their own staff stealing sh*t.

May 12, 24 16:15

I hear what you are saying, but dealing with an elderly parent who loses things continuously, I can understand the concern from the facility, and don't necessarily disagree. My mother was there 2 days and claimed someone stole her purse. It was next to her walker next to her night stand. I did look at her credit card as I have access to her bank and cards. While they do state they will offer protection for charges that she doesn't make, I don't see a way to really limit individual purchases. I'll go by and see if we can just lower her credit limit, but even that could pose problems.

I think the best solution would be a fillable card. So I could load it with a couple hundred dollars. But if she needed it for something larger like new hearing aids, I could load a large amount to cover the costs. I just hate the idea of paying fees per charge....

May 12, 24 16:26

Looks at Schwab - you might need to open a brokerage account, but iirc, you don't actually need anything in the account.

May 12, 24 17:35

In the grand scheme of things, would it be better to suck it up and pay the fees or deny your mother the opportunity to have a tiny bit of freedom with a low limit charge card? This is already going to be a big life change for her.

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

May 12, 24 18:00

My kids had this set up for years with nothing in the brokerage account and an ATM card for the checking account. No fees.

May 12, 24 18:09

This is good advice. Though annoying, the fees won’t be that big during the remaining time in which she is making purchases on her own.

May 12, 24 18:51

Yes, you and ironclm are smart. I need to suck it up. I'm probably only looking at 6-12 months. And the frequency that she will be shopping is minimal.

May 12, 24 21:22

When my dad was in a care home we set up an account for him and kept a low amount of money in it. My sister and I had power of attorney, but that was a pain for banking so we got joint access so we could do transfers online.

He went for coffee with his buddies on Saturdays and being able to buy his own coffee, and treat his buddies, was a small act of independence and normalcy for him.

May 13, 24 12:03

May 13, 24 12:57

It has been offered many times. She is where her friends are. They have always lived where she is, so that isn't really an option. And there is no guarantee that my family will stay where we are. So....

May 15, 24 13:03

May 15, 24 13:31

Thanks. Following the feedback here, I did purchase a reloadable Visa card through Netspend (same thing as Greenlight). And am waiting for the card to reach my mother. It looks like a good deal and should work for us.

Thank you all who responded.

May 15, 24 13:37

I assume she has a cell phone? Get her an Apple Phone and set up Apple Pay with Face ID enabled.

It won't work unless she is looking at the screen, and it is just a double click of a side button away at all times, including when the phone is locked. There are still a few merchants that don't have it (Home Depot and Walmart) but it is mostly universally accepted.

"...the street finds its own uses for things"

May 15, 24 13:56

I think you overestimate the technological abilities of some elderly people. My 83 year old mother has had a smart phone for at least 5 years and still has trouble answering it because it "doesn't respond to her fingers". She cannot use the camera, certainly can't text a picture. She has figured out emojis.

"I keep hoping for you to use your superior intellect to be less insufferable. Sadly, you continue to disappoint." - gofigure

May 15, 24 14:25

I'm not over or under estimating anything. I have an 86 year old MIL that uses Apple Pay like a pro. I also have a neighbor, who is in his 70's, that routinely takes several tries to unlock his car door with the fob.. Everyone is different. I was just making a suggestion. If she can get around on her own, go to the store, etc. as the OP said, I was guessing that she could handle a double click of a fairly large button on a well designed phone.

Or maybe not.

"...the street finds its own uses for things"

May 15, 24 15:37

Well, there is this from the OP..."Also please note, she is not technical, so doing stuff on her phone or a computer is out."

"I keep hoping for you to use your superior intellect to be less insufferable. Sadly, you continue to disappoint." - gofigure