Chapter Text
The TARDIS landed with a bit more of a jar than normal, forcing the Doctor to flail his arms in order to keep his balance, but he only gave a sour look to the coral struts, not uttering a word. He was going to let the TARDIS be petty, the jolting was preferred to the electric shocks at this moment. As undignified as arm flailing was, it was better than burnt fingertips.
Rose emerged in clean clothing with her rucksack on her back, her blond hair still damp from her shower, and the scent of leather replaced with the floral scent of the shampoo she had bought on one of their trips of an alien bazaar. The Doctor didn't let his thoughts dwell on the loss of the scent, nope, he was going to focus on making this right…somehow. Then maybe she would wear his jacket voluntarily. Bad thoughts, he argued with himself.
"Powell Estate, a week after our last visit," he announced, his voice trying for chipper like he usually would be, but they both could tell it fell short of the mark. He was trying hard not to panic at the sight of her rucksack, because all of her clothes could fit in there as well as her collection of trinkets and photos. He wanted to ask, but the sad look in her eyes stopped the words dead in his throat.
"Goin' ta spend a few nights away Doctor," Rose said with some bravo, he could see the start of tears in her eyes and the slight quiver at the edge of her words. The TARDIS was her home, and him being here was driving her away from it. He wanted to hold her, to tell her it was ok. She had stared down a Dalek, one of the coldest creatures in all of existence, what was his threat to her possible death?
Something so much worse it seemed.
"Right," the Doctor said, as he walked up close to her, careful to keep some distance between them when he saw her flinch away from is approach. "Want Jack to walk you to your mum's?"
"Jack can come up whenever he wants," Rose said. She answered the unspoken question: right now the Doctor was not welcome. The little bit of cheeriness he had managed to scrape together for her benefit left him and he felt deflated.
"Right," he said again, his voice lacking any of his usual peppiness. "The TARDIS needs some work, so I'll just stay here." The Doctor turned away, walking back up the ramp and away from Rose. "Will take a few days," the Doctor tried to sound normal, really he did. It wasn't his fault he wasn't really succeeding. "May have to pop over to Cardiff afterwards," he turned, his blue eyes settling on her hard brown ones. "Won't enter the Vortex though, in case…" in case I get pulled away and can't make it back for you.
Rose just nodded, and the Doctor wasn't sure if she understood. A few days in one spot willingly, he'd never done that for anyone before except Susan. But she couldn't know that, he reminded himself. He was trying to give her the space she needed, and he could only hope she would pick up on that.
Without another word, Rose slipped out the TARDIS doors and off to her mum's. He walked quickly to the doors, opening them so he could watch her walk out of the TARDIS's usual parking spot in the alley near Powel Estate and away from him.
His hearts ached horribly in his chest, causing him to rub his chest absently to try and relieve some of the discomfort. He felt lower than scum and it hurt so much worse than he could have guessed, watching her walk away. What had he gotten himself into this time?
There was the subtle whisper of the air changing across the back of his neck, and when the Doctor turned from the empty alleyway, the rooms were back. The Doctor sighed, at least he was allowed access to his ship once more. It was a start, he guessed, as he wandered into the ship, needing to restock his pockets with bits of wire and electronics and needing a banana to hopefully clear his thoughts. Maybe there was some of that banana flavored tea left that Rose had found on their last trip to the bazaar?
Rose didn't head straight for her mum's once she turned the corner of the brick wall. Once out of the sight of the TARDIS, she pulled her mobile from her pocket, checking the date to make sure she was in fact when the Doctor said she was. Wouldn't be the first time he had got the date wrong, and she didn't want to be surprised like that again. But the mobile displayed the date, exactly one week from the last time she had visited her mum.
It's something, Rose thought with a touch of sarcasm. Her head was throbbing, and the futuristic aspirin she had taken before she left hadn't quite kicked in fully yet. She needed a good cup of tea and maybe some of her mother's company to try and give her some illusion of normalcy. Maybe if she plastered on a fake smile and claimed her hormones shifting, she could get away with the lingering redness on her face. No doubt her mother could see through the lie, but Rose could hope. She didn't want to admit what was really wrong to her mother, not yet at least.
I won't let it happen a second time, Rose promised herself. Not even for the Doctor or the promise of traveling the stars. Rose felt her eyes watering again, and she dashed the offensive tears out of her eyes. I am worth more than that.
With a deep breath, Rose gathered herself and started the short walk back to her mum's flat, trying to put a bounce in her step and get her lips to form a somewhat believable smile on her face. By the time she finished jogging up the stairs, she felt her false smile was firmly in place, and the aspirin was starting to kick in. With any luck, it would take some of the puffiness off of her face as well as diminishing her headache.
"Mum!" Rose called as she opened the door, looking about for the signature blond hair and tracksuit that her mum loved to dress in.
"In the kitchen!" Jackie called back, waving her hand in the little window in case Rose missed her mum's high pitched voice calling out. When Jackie raised her voice, you couldn't help but hear it.
Rose could hear her mum on the phone, starting to make the excuse that Rose was home for a spell and she needed to go. She set her rucksack down on the ground and walked into the tiny kitchen just as Jackie hung up on whomever she had been talking to.
Jackie's eyes took one look at Rose, and Rose knew it had been useless to try and fake a smile for her mum. The older Tyler's eyes narrowed and her hands went to her blue track suit hips, making Rose feel like she was at least a foot shorter than her mother at the moment, rather than near the same height.
"What has that daft git done now?"
There was plenty of work to be done on the TARDIS, the Doctor had not lied about that. There was a list as long as his arm of all of the things that needed tuning, general maintenance, jiggery pokery, and the like, but he had no plans to actually do any of it. He was nervous and unfocused, which was not a good time to make a try at the list of things he should be doing with his downtime.
The Doctor had not seen Jack since he disappeared off to bed, and he wasn't sure if that should be a cause for concern or celebration. Jack had stated this mess was the Doctor's and he would find no ally in the ex-Time Agent.
So, in the beginning of his self-grounding period, the Doctor wandered the halls of the TARDIS, not sure what to do with himself. He needed to think, to try and recall all he knew about Rose Tyler and human culture to find a solution. Were he honest with himself, which was not likely to happen, he was searching for inspiration from the familiar coral halls and the sound of his heavy work boots thumping on the grating beneath his feet.
Humans often gave gifts as a form of apology and affection, he recalled Ian having given Barbra flowers when she was mad at him, and trinkets he found when he was not in her bad graces. But flowers seemed so silly in comparison the vast wonders that he could take Rose to, to watch stars being born, to ride Plasma Storms on the TARDIS with the doors thrown open to see space passing them by. Besides, he would have to settle for some common twenty-first century Earth flower since he no longer had time and space at his disposal while he was grounded.
And what would he get her? Her namesake? She detested roses, claiming they were the go-to flower and no doubt Mickey the Idiot had given them to her thinking that she would like them. Rose was special, had stared down danger and walked away with laughter and the tongue in cheek smile that sent his hearts racing. What common flower could possibly be worthy of his Rose?
Think! The Doctor commanded himself as he stomped down the halls, almost wishing for the long curly hair of his fourth self rather than his close cropped dark hair so that he could tug on it in frustration. He went down the list of flowers he knew grew on this planet, and finding each one lacking. None were special enough for Rose, and certainly some common flower would not dissuade her from her rightful anger at him.
His thoughts strayed to some of the most exotic blossoms he knew grew out amongst the universe, compiling a mental list of ones he wanted to show Rose once she was willing to travel with him once more. There was one he desperately wanted to show her, one he knew she would love the moment her beautiful amber eyes settled upon the dark petals, but he could never take her to see. Gallifrey may have been known for the Time Lords, but it birthed the most beautiful plants, the Doctor thought darkly. There was no way she could ever see the silver leaves, watch as the landscape lit up with the sunset to look like it was on fire as the wind stirred the ground.
Without bidding, the memory of watching the silvery leaves of the Gallifreyan trees truly burn, the black smoke rising up and the trees withered in the onslaught, and he wondered why he ever thought that they could look like an ocean of fire before the Time War. All gone in a moment's decision, one he had never wanted to make. No way he could ever show Rose the flower he so despirately wanted to.
There was a whisper in his mind, the TARDIS picking up on his thoughts as she stirred in his mind. He could feel her laughter in his thoughts, the sound both irritating him and soothing the nerves that were frayed from the silence. She knew how much it punished him when she withdrew from him, the silence in his mind without the TARDIS at least being present enough to drive him spare.
The air shifted again, further down the way, and the light over a set of doors shifted frequencies to stand out against the others. He tilted his head and walked forward, staring at two doors on either side of him, trying to remember what lay behind either door. The TARDIS seemed to enjoy his lack of memory, her laughter ringing louder in his head, and he felt like a fool for not knowing. Just under nine hundred years with the same ship and he couldn't recall what lay in every room of his lovely ship.
At least there's some adventure to be found at the moment, the Doctor thought as he took the door to his left. The door opened to a drier environment than the hallway, the burnt orange dirt under his feet swirling as he stepped forward. The sky was deep red, the kind that haunted his dreams every time he closed his eyes and made him homesick in an instant. He remembered this room, and he tried to step back, his eyes watering as he turned to flee to safety.
How could he have forgotten this little piece of Gallifrey had been tucked away in his ship? Why had she even bothered to maintain it, when she knew seeing it would tear the Doctor apart worse than the nightmares of watching it burn? He was going to jettison this room as soon as he could get to the control room, keeping it was beyond acceptable.
As soon as he turned, something caught his eye on the rocky mountain in the distance, and he stopped. He wanted nothing more than to leave the room, to jettison the room and forget it had ever been a part of his ship like the zero room. But the dark smattering staring up at the vibrant sky made him pause. Could he swim through the memories of his burning planet to get to the mountain, brush away the agony of seeing a piece of his homeland, just for Rose?
It was the thought of Rose's hopeful reaction that propelled the Doctor slowly forward, each step swirling the dirt and stirring both good and bad memories as the familiar scent wafted to his nose. Easy, this is, he lied to himself as he ignored the tears slowly starting to form in his eyes as shadows pulled at his mind. But he was on a mission, and he wasn't willing to be dissuaded.
Rose ignored her mother's silent questions, not willing to give her an answer beyond what she had already said.
Last trip was bad, yeah? Just need some grounding 'nd I'll be right as rain, Rose had said. It was mostly a lie, the only truth being the trip bit. Rose knew Jackie was suspicious, and it was one of the few times that she was probably right in her thinking. Rose wasn't going to defend the Doctor on this one, but she wasn't willing to offer up the Doctor to her mother either.
Deep down, Rose knew why the Doctor had pushed for her to open up. She had used his own tactic of hiding the pain, not wanting to relive the memories that came with both the trip and her past, but she was nowhere near as good at lying as the Doctor was. Her subconscious couldn't help but dust off the old nightmares and add new bits in to make them worse.
He was worried about her, she knew this deep down. He wanted her to talk, to share what it was that had bothered her so bad, but to share it felt like it would give it power over her once more, and she had worked so hard to make sure her past would never have sway over her again. And pushing her like had had not been the answer to getting her to open up. She needed time to heal before she could explain it all to the Doctor. He would understand then, but forcing her to open up would just leave her much more raw than she already was.
He had shared a bit of himself in the console room, Rose could see that through the anger and hurt she was feeling. It was an important part. Telepathic people, the Doctor had said. She knew about the telepathy bit, wasn't terribly hard to figure out, which was why she guessed he always dressed to cover up as much skin as possible. Course that bit could just be from watchin' too many sci-fi movie, Rose thought before shrugging off the thought.
The whisper bit was new. Not in her wildest fantasies would she have thought that possible for an entire species, though the adaptation makes sense. Was comforting, a way to remind us we were never alone as we traveled out across the stars and time, he had said. And she had seen him so alone since she had come aboard the TARDIS. She had seen what just one Dalek had done to the Doctor, how bad he had fractured when he was holding the gun and looked upon the creature with insane murder in his eyes.
She understood feeling so broken that the idea of living every day was enough to contemplate suicide, having been there once before. To see the truth laid out and watching it cut far deeper than any knife could ever touch, she held the scars from such an encounter. But it was no excuse for the Doctor threaten to enter her mind without her permission. Telepathic rape, her mind supplied as she pulled out her red jacket from inside the rucksack.
The traveling was not worth the little piece of herself that she had managed to put back together in the short time since Jimmy Stone.
Jack had come to her rescue earlier in the afternoon, keeping her mother busy with the flirtation and regaling the stories of his adventures across time and space. Jackie wasn't sold on him being any better than the Doctor, but she was warming up to the captain whereas she was still cold to the Doctor, and would no doubt get colder if she ever found out about what the Doctor had threatened.
Rose climbed the stairs until she was up on the roof of the Powell Estate, staring out at the roof to make sure she was alone up here, before she turned her gaze heavenward. Up as high as she was, she wasn't above the light pollution and the stars seemed so dim in comparison to what she had seen in the last eight months. Yet, despite the view no longer holding as much wonder as it used to for her, it kept her from going spare from the panic at the thought of being stuck here once more. Linear time no longer held any appeal to Rose Tyler.
But it's not worth the price, she had to wipe a tear away from her face as she reminded herself of the fact. And if the Doctor could threaten her with telepathic rape, he was capable of so much more. She knew he was capable of so much more, and she had chosen to turn a blind eye to it. This time, the ugly truth was glaring back her and she had no choice but to decide what her next step was.
When Rose shifted on her feet, her eyes turning to a different spot in the sky in hopes that it would have answers, a twinkle caught her eye. On the edge of the roof, sitting in plain sight in a plain red clay pot no bigger than Rose's hand, was a flower. While the red pot was unremarkable, the flower itself was something Rose didn't doubt came from the Doctor.
The underside of the petals were inky black as they were drawn up like a typical Earth rose, the stem of the flower a dark shade of green with three intricately swirled leaves sprouting from the stem. What had caught Rose's eye was the little silver veins running along the underside of the flower that seemed to pulse weakly with light. On the bed of red soil holding the flower was a small white card, the Doctor's rough scrawl easy to make out, even in the lack of proper light.
Wait for it, was all the note said, and Rose stared at the vague message perplexingly. Wait? Wait for what?
Then the flower seemed to shutter just a little, and Rose dropped the card as she startled. The leaves turned up towards the starlight, and the blossom twisted skyward as well, the petals slowly unfolding as it did so. The breath Rose had been holding let out in a whoosh as the petals spread, revealing the magnificence of the flower before her.
The tiny veins she had seen on the underside of the petals were invisible on the petals, only small spots of silver that pulsed brightly like the stars overhead could be seen. The flower reminded her of a rose, the petals more numerous and larger than any flower she had ever seen, and the center glowed with a silvery white light like she had seen on a full moon. The dark leaves shimmered, shaking visibly so that the flower's light reflected off of the leaves to add to the wonder.
It was the most breathtaking thing Rose had ever seen, the amazement of the flower drawing her in so that she could do nothing but reach out and cup the flower carefully, leaning down to see what the flower would smell like. As she inhaled, Rose couldn't help but not be disappointed, the blossom smelling as sweet as a field of grass after a rainstorm with a whisper of what Rose could only imagine starlight would smell like. She couldn't help the giggle that escape at that thought, but there was no other way to describe it. It made her think of the stars, and not just from the sight of the beautiful blossom.
Rose had no concept of how long she stood out under the stars, watching her very own show of twinkling starlight from the blossom, before the leaves slowly turned inward from the stars, and the blossom drew back upon itself until it was shut tight once more. With great care, she picked up the pot, and slowly made her way back to Jackie's apartment, making sure not to jostle the beautiful flower any more than she had to, in case it was as delicate as it was beautiful.
Jackie's voice didn't startle Rose as she carefully cleared a spot for the new bloom in the windowed area of her mother's apartment, wishing the window in her room was big enough to keep the flower in.
"Wha's that?" Jackie asked her daughter, noticing the first real smile to grace her daughter's lips since she walked through the door that morning.
Rose didn't answer her, her focus completely on making sure the gift was in a well-lit area for morning and that there was nothing around to knock into the pot.
Jack came out of the kitchen where he had been before. His gaze landed on Rose and then her little flower. He gave a low whistle of appreciation, which drew both Tylers' attention to him.
"Big guns is what that is. That's a Star Bloom, and they were very rare before they went extinct." Jack said, his eyes drinking in the flower he had only ever seen pictures of as a child. To own one was a sign of great wealth and favor from a Time Lord. A great amount of significance was attached to that flower, for it was said to be a bit of the sky that fell to Gallifrey before there were Time Lords to fill the sky.
The way Rose was smiling at the little flower was well worth whatever the Doctor had done to obtain the little thing. Jack had to tip his hat at the Time Lord, he had started off on the right foot for a change.
A rare beauty for a truly rare beauty.
